Xbox 360 destroys everything!

Xbox 360 will put an end to life as we know it. Don't believe us? Well the proof awaits inside...

Xbox 360, the first next-generation console to deploy and our first solid indication of what our collective gaming future will hold. But while the 360 is in many ways an admirable thing (if you can get your hands on one that is), we bet you didn't realise it's also going to destroy the fabric of LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING AS WE CURRENTLY KNOW IT.

Ahem, okay so now we'll remove our tongues from our cheeks and pass you over to our friends from the Official Xbox 360 Magazine who take a totally unbiased and ahem extremely well balanced look at that big white box and how it's going to transform your gaming and digital entertainment realities forever. Or something. Over to you lads...


Proper statistics by clever people reveal that TV watching is a hobby in decline. We'd rather spend our evenings playing games or on the internet or playing games on the internet, it seems. And with Xbox 360 sort of combining all of those things and giving you the chance to chat with your mates as you do everything too, the humble hobby of watching telly in awkward silence with the family is definitely on the way out.
Prediction: STOP WATCHING TV IN: 2007

Oh yeah, this is the worst-kept secret ever, even worse kept than the one about Elton John liking men best. Xbox 360 will, eventually, one day, perhaps some time soon, be upgraded to function as a Sky+/TIVO personal TV recorder machine. There's no doubt about it. It's as certain to happen as you getting a Terry's Chocolate Orange off someone this Christmas. It's the future, it's Microsoft's dream of you being totally dependent on their hardware, like it's a life support machine, and a future where Xbox 360 is home to your TV programmes and videogames. It's going to happen. For definite. Start making arrangements.
Prediction: THROW YOUR SKY BOX AWAY IN: 2008

Bye, old pal. Cheerio, mate. Arrivaderci, mon frère. We had some good years, especially that first year where the only game we played was Halo, and the only thing we did was stay at home and play Halo and every games magazine only wrote about Halo. What a year that was - everyone thought we were dead we stayed inside so much! No, the time has come to get your old Xbox, put it in a cardboard box, and stick it up in the attic to rest. You might think you'll play it again one day, but you won't, because Xbox 360 will play most of the best old Xbox games anyway (if you've got the flash hard drive model), so there's no point. In fact forget sticking it in the loft - get the thing on eBay before the price plummets.
Prediction: THROW YOUR XBOX AWAY IN: 2005


Here's another really poorly kept secret. This one's as poorly kept as the secret about cigarettes giving you cancer. Xbox 360 will very soon start letting you buy and watch highdefinition movies through the internet. When you can do this, paying seven pounds to squeeze into a small chair with no leg room and listen to kids eating crisps at the cinema will seem like the worst idea for something to do in the world.
Prediction: DESERT YOUR CINEMA IN: 2008


It had a good innings. No wait, that's a lie! It had a rubbish innings! There were only about two games worth playing on it, and even they were only any good if you liked being an asexual child and exploring dungeons. If it wasn't for Xbox this might have been a contender. In the end, the plastic used on it would've been better spent making false legs for landmine victims.

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