You know how it is. A game scores 90% everywhere. All your mates are talking about it. About how that bit was 'so clever', the action's 'so amazing'and how it's a 'must play'- but, secretly, you think it's a steaming funky trench of tosh. And you've tried. Christ you've tried. But even after hours of staring at the screen, waving the pad around and questioning your judgement, you're just not having fun. It's like squeezing water from a stone. Go on. Admit it. You were the bloke who hated MGS3 weren't you? And here's the 'great' games the PSM3 team secretly couldn't get on with.
Dan D - Black
I'm, er, tempted to say Black, because even though it's technically incredible, and impeccably responsive, it's simply too clinical, meaningless and detached. It's, er, a bit like being forced to complete a rubik's cube in an exploding fireworks factory. All concentration and application, with no real reason to reach the end, thanks to a largely peripheral plot. I know I'm out on a limb with this, but it left me cold. I prefer games with at least some pretense of substance, or soul, like Ico, MGS3 or even PES - where at least multiplayer games generate real human drama. Black is just a surgically admirable solo player grind. And this is coming from someone who gave it 88%, because you can't deny it does so much so well. Am I looking forward to a sequel? Oddly, yes, because I can't wait to be proved wrong.
On a far more distant note, and apologies to all retro gamers, but I honestly thought Gunstar Heroes was shit. Yes. Shit. I honestly had more fun with Ecco the Dolphin, and let's not forget, in the last level of that, you had to fight an alien in space, while flopping around like Flipper on barbiturates and squeaking out weedy sonar waves.
Andy - God of War
No, I'm not trying to be controversial. I just don't get on with God of War. The main reason is the combat. Compared to something like Onimusha 3 it doesn't feel especially dynamic or interesting; it's glorified button bashing. And those rhythm action bits - pulling off minotaurs' heads etc. - are fun the first time, but not the tenth and the twentieth and the thirtieth. It's laser targetted at American teenagers; angry men, goatee beards, gratuitous violence, tits... it's boring, basically. Oh, and Kratos is a rubbish hero. He's completely one-dimensional. So there.
Nathan - Ico
I just don't see how the tranquil world of Ico is so appealing. It might look pretty but to me, it feels vacuous and dragging the girl around the place feels too much like guiding an unruly child around a supermarket; too much hard work. And the idea of beating off black smoke monsters with a large twig just doesn't do anything for me. Give me a sports game, crime-sim or an RPG over this any day.
Rich - Gran Turismo 3
It just felt like the track was moving around the car and it's basically crap and boring.
So there we go. Sadly, Milf and Dave aren't in the office today, but for the record, Milf hates all games, especially the ones everyone else likes.
What are your secret 'brilliant' hate games? Confess all below. Twenty quid someone says MGS3 and, just to make this clear, that person is probably MENTAL. All opinions are subjective, but some are just a whole lot more stupiderest than others.
Have a vintage weekend, fellow men (and women) of games,