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02 - Get the cops on your side
Sometimes you'll jack a car but forget to pull away quickly enough. Suddenly, the door's pulled open again and this time it's you dragged from the vehicle. If that wasn't embarrassing enough, they'll start a fight.

You can punch back, but it's easier to just pull out your gun. No need to fire, they'll soon realise it's not worth the risk and back down, before turning and running away.
But their day's about to get worse. Ironically, the police (being slow and dim-witted for a change) arrive late on the scene, and assume you're the victim. So they run off after the 'criminal', leaving you to take the car in peace.

03 - Call the paramedics
If you're low on health and far from the nearest hot dog stand, you can still get the help you need. Just call for an ambulance. Yup, 911 gives you access to all three emergency services, Police, Ambulance and Fire. When Niko's clothes are soaked with blood, it's time to get out of the way of the traffic and ring for help.

How much? Getting healed fully will cost you in the region of $800, so this really is best saved for an emergency. Still, while we would never condone prank calling the emergency services in real-life, if you're feeling mean you can nip into the ambulance while they're looking for the 'victim' and claim back half your health for free - suckers.

04 - Find the Sultan RS
At the very northern tip of Alderney, near the beach on the East there's an old mansion. You'll remember it from Phil Bell's first mission, where you steal the heroin from the Triads. Anyway, go here and, parked behind the mansion, is a Sultan RS. This is GTA's version of a Mitsubushi Lancer and is one of the game's fastest cars. Each time it spawns it will have a different paint job entirely.

05 - Get on random folk's nerves
If you hover around for too long near certain characters, they'll get edgy and attack you - but only after a few verbal warnings. For example, loiter near the projects in Bohan, some of the gangstas there will take offence to your presence. "Looks like white boy here is lost," they'll comment, before getting violent.

06-07 See a comedy show
Visit Split Sides in Algonquin to see stand-up comedy acts. Girls seem to like this, so take them there on dates. Each comedian has two or three routines that play one by one with each sequential visit to the club.

Ricky Gervais - Portly comedian of Office and Extras fame. His jokes are from his recent stand-up show Fame and, while they're mildly amusing, the audience's over-the-top laughing is a little excessive. It's great that he's in there though.

Katt Williams - This popular American comedian is way funnier than Gervais, especially his observation about Liberty City - "Where are all the cats and dogs?" - and his routine about rapper Rick Ross' song Hustlin'.

08 - Turn your engine off
If you hold Triangle while getting out of a car, Niko will turn the engine off. Tap it and he'll leave it running with the radio turned on. Pointless? Absolutely, but a nice touch. You can even leave the doors open if you press the run button as soon as you exit the car.

09 - Use Zit to spot the song
One of the best things about the in-game advertising is that it works when you try it. The websites advertised online are accessible through the computers, and the billboard phone numbers work too. Like this advert for Zit - give the number a call (948-555-0100) and Lazlow will text you the name of the song you're listening to on the radio.

10 - Mystery missions
Every so often, a mysterious 'person' icon will appear on your map. The character you meet varies, but they'll usually have a mission for you - or even free money. Some characters only appear depending on your live/die decisions in missions. One girl is being beaten by her brutish boyfriend and Niko can offer to 'help' in the usual way. Another excellent mystery mission-giver is Jeff, a paranoid maniac who's convinced his wife is cheating on him. Worth completing if only to see how it all ends. Funny, eh?

11 - Change your phone's theme
As well as ringtones, there are several themes to kit out your phone, and more unlock as you progress through the game. We quite like the Ecola one. It's a play on E-Coli, obviously. The only problem with the themes is that the text can be hard to read. Head to any tw@ internet cafe to buy a phone theme.

12 - Have upside-down sex
Hookers are nothing new in GTA, but their actions are much more graphic, with three price levels - although you technically still don't see anything naughty. But we've found a bug that's quite funny.

If you invite a prostitute into your car and flip your vehicle by crashing, you can still ask them for their services while you're upside down. We know it's fun to 'experiment', but surely this can't be possible? Anyone seen Crash?

13 - Get a new ringtone
After a while, you'll need an upgraded cell phone to complete one of the missions. But you'll soon forget about what you're supposed to be doing, as it opens up a whole world of possibilities. Yep, just as in real life, you can spend all your money on impractical but obviously amazing ringtones and wallpapers for your handset. Just log onto www.vipluxuryringtones.com on the in-game internet and get your wallet.

14 - Set a fire, put it out
Hold the fire button while inside a fire truck and you can use the hose. Not only can it knock over people and cars, but blow something up and you can douse the flames. Incredible.

15 - Outrun the cops on flats
Why not try outrunning the cops on a motorbike with no tyres? Just shoot up your hog, hop on and see how far you can go without braking. Our record? About five seconds. It's easier in a car, to be honest.

16-17 See a cabaret show
The Incredible Kleinman - A sort of circus-style magician. He's rubbish though, and manages to throw a knife into his assistant's shoulder. But she gets him too with a 'handy' guillotine.

Ms Bluesy St John - Doesn't seem to be very funny or particularly entertaining. You'll be somewhat transfixed by those legs, though.

Dusty Cowpoke - Puts on a mime show of a Wild West shootout. We don't know what else to say - and nor do the crowd, who aren't too impressed.

Catch - A juggler. He starts off with normal juggling batons before moving onto barbecue implements. He drops one at the end and pretends that he didn't. Probably the worst act in the game.

18 - Find the go-kart track
A go-kart track? Oh, yes. Sadly there aren't any karts left lying around to race on it, but that doesn't mean you can't spawn a supercar and test it out, like we did above.

Choose the in-car view and it's almost low enough to be convincing. It's a bit too fast for the track, though, and the bumps might make you motion-sick.
Still, it looks like Niko's having a good time. Isn't there some avenging you should be doing, Niko? Oh, and change to the cinematic camera for a top-down view, which reminds us of a Scalextric track.

19 - 31 Cheat
Not to beat the game - just for fun...

• Change the weather - Call: HOT-555-0100.
• Spawn a mafia car - To spawn a Cognoscenti (Mafia Car) call: CAR-555-0142.
• Spawn a dirt bike - The Sanchez dirt bike can be your by calling: MBK-555-0150.
• Spawn an FIB car - Yes, the FBI is called FIB in GTAIV. To drive their ride of choice, call: CAR-555-0100.
• Spawn a Turismo - To spawn the gorgeous Turismo call: CAR-555-0147.
• Spawn a superbike - This one's very handy when attempting the stunt jumps. To spawn the NRG900 call: MBK-555-0100.
• Spawn a Comet - For a super-quick getaway, call: CAR-555-0168.
• Spawn a police chopper - Spawn Police Chopper (the big black one): FLY-555-0100.
• Spawn a speedboat - Spawn Jetmax (Boat): WET-555-0100.
• Lower your wanted level - Call: COP-555-0100.
• Raise your wanted level - Call: COP-555-0150.
• Get all weapons - Call: GUN-555-0150.
• Restore health - Call: DOC-555-0100.

Check back for the second half of this feature tomorrow.