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Xbox conference - LIVE

Live reporting starts at 6PM BST

Here we go then: the first proper platform-holder conference of E3 (not counting last night's Kinect festivities) is set to kick off this afternoon as Microsoft prepares to reveal its LA megatons.

Zoom

As you can see in our What's in Microsoft's conference? feature, the house of Xbox is expected to unveil anything from a slim 360 console, to its 3D plans and more concrete details on Kinect.

You can also expect to see the latest on Gears of War 3, Fable 3, Halo Reach and whatever other secrets the platform holder has tucked up its sleave.

Live reporting starts just before 6PM BST. Stick with CVG then for our live blog from the show, all of the headlines as they happen and the best live stream we can get our hands on.

Let us know what you'd like to see Microsoft announce tonight.

Live blogging follows... (F5 away!)

Hi folks, Tim here. It's 9.52am in sunny LA - but spirits are not exactly high. It's pandemonium. Loads of EU press shunted out of glitzy Wiltern Theatre and into 'official' conference streaming room down the road due to oversubscription. Have no fear - CVG's on the ball, pass in hand, excitement growing.

Cripes. Just been told the Xbox dudes and dudettes won't be taking the stage for another half hour. Lucky the chairs look comfy.

The queues to get into this place have been ridiculous. And I'm saying that as an Englishman. A lot of grumpy European people have been turned away. A lot of grinning Americans, clutching their passes. Can't blame them.

So while we're waiting - and feeling pretty smug - let's talk games. What do you want to see? After the upsettingly flat Natal - sorry, Kinect - reveals of yesterday, can Peter Molyneux save the day? He made the camera-based system look AWESOME at E3 2009. His presence and pizazz were sorely missed at yesterday's corporate hippy cocktail.

Microsoft has promised us some big surprises. The Xbox 360 Slim certainly looks kosher. But surely we know most of the big stuff already? Fable III, Gears Of War 3, Call Of Duty: Black Ops, Halo: Reach... What more can there be?

The best thing about knowing that big stuff, of course, is the surprises will be REAL surprises. At least, that's what we hope.

I'm hopeful of some more Alan Wake stuff. A full second episode would be mighty cool.

Getting bored now. Starting to see who I can spot. Official Xbox accolyte Major Nelson was milling about outside during queue-mageddon.

Still 20 bloody minutes to go. Could do with a wee - but scared I'm going to be removed from premises due to English accent. Have been told that other EU journos ('the fallen') are squeezed into no-mark hotel room watching a projection of the conference. I'll give them a wave.

Will be quite funny if Microsoft gets in there early with some last-minute 3D announcements. Brows will crumple at Sony.

Then again, if Sony does show off its 500GB PS3 Move bundle, it will rock the house.

Tim Edwards from PC Gamer just texted. 'PC Gamers don't wear ponchos.' Amusing. But will the PC get the love today?

There are Kinects on stage, people. I count five of them. 'Homely furniture', too.

Please, God. If Don Mattrick says the word 'party' at any stage, I'm going to weep.

Announcement: Five minutes to kick off. Let's hope they don't Robert Green it.

Hollywood is a mecca for beautiful/beautifully enhanced people. A theatre full of games journalists, less so.

Getting impatient. Still need a wee. Excitement not helping matters. Starting to pray for a Kinect game that helps build bladder control. Kinect Squirts.

"Take your seats." It's happening peeps. The stage is black, green and very shiny.

There's a bit of whooping going down. I don't whoop.

It's kicking off with Black Ops. Seen most of this trailer already. Still awesome.

More whooping. Who we gonna get? Treyarch in the hizzles!

Studio head Mark Lamia trying not to smile too much. War is serious.

Gameplay footage. Underground tunnel. "Keep that light steady Mason."

Flashlight on. Weedy little pistol in hand. A dead dude.Can hear puddles under feet. Dark and damp. I feel a bit depressed.

Headshot. That cheered me up.

'In the interest of time', says the screen. Now we're in Vietnam.

Treyarch's Lamia is studied in control, cooly taking out the Vietcong as if he was blowing out candles. No sign of sweat patches on his light grey shirt yet. A brave choice.

Helicopters. Rivers. Foliage. Rockets fired. Lots of American shouting. (That's in-game and, to a lesser degree, in this theatre.)

Loads of bullets, smoke. More shouting. 'Mission complete', apparently. Whatever the mission was.

Proper whooping. I detect a bit of hollering. Lamia's gone.

THE DON IS IN THE HOUSE!

Multi-year exclusive agreement with Xbox and Activision. All COD map packs to launch first on 360. Don is smug.

"If you want to play CoD in the next three years, you'll want to play it on Xbox 360".

He just said "friends and family". Just to let you know.

New Kinect experiences to be shown. Kojima coming out. Kojima on Kinect? This should be fun.

What a pimp. 'Coming up with something new' for MGS: Rising. Kinect? Surely not Kinect.

Hideo high fives his exec producer, who's wearing a snazzy baby blue blazer. Not quite at pimp status.

Rising footage. A sword. Now some fans. Scaffolding. A lot more exciting than I'm making this sound.

Crazy metal men fighting. Raiden looks pissed. Someone's head just got taken clean off.

'Cut at will'. Precision slicing.

Watermelons get sliced in a mini game. I'm not joking. 'What will you cut'. Got to be Kinect.

Development boss Phil Spencer on stage. Not the one from Location, Location, Location, sadly.

He must be 107 per cent American.

Cliffy B take the stage. 'Only on Xbox 360 behind him'.

"Whassup guys?" 113 per cent American.

Gears OF War 3. Dom and Marcus's truck has been ambush. Going to see new Lambert - mutated locusts.

It's a lot greener than any Gears we've ever seen. There's also a woman who just said: "Here, take this," as she gave us her weapon. Helpful.

Genuinely digusting new enemy. Massive head firing out lambert goo.

Another one. Tall and thin. Ugly. Spawning little crawling gits.

One of these things just threw a car at us. Unkind.

That was pretty awesome. Cliffy's promised us a new mode called 'Beast'.

Molyneux takes the stage.

Fable III. Promises 'great British humour - you know what that means'. Farting, Peter - farting.

Gameplay footgae. Fantastical stuff. The Quest To Save Albion. There's ships and canons and dogs and Touch and awesome outfits. It's a 'revolution', apparently.

Microsoft Games Studio's newest partner... Roman Gladiator with blood running down him. Mud, sword, shield, muscles, beared - he's got it all. Dare I say it... very God OF War esque.

It's bloody Crytek.

All of this 'only on Xbox 360', remember. Codename: Kingdoms. Looks very sexy. No footage though.

It's Halo: Reach time. Marcus Lehto from Bungie on stage.

Lots of Spartans, with cool blue bits on their armour on the ground. Covenant ships up in the sky.

Pods fall to Earth to reveal Elite.

Quite incredible heavy rock soundtrack. Reminds me of Rise Of The Robots. Brian May FTW.

Enterting locked off command centre type thing. Lots of corpses everywhere.

Climbing metal stairs. Where are we going? Getting into the Sabre, that's what. You're flying it. 'nother text from PC Gamer's Tim: 'PLEASE GIVE US TIE FIGHTER COMBAT.' That could well be happening.

It bloody is happening. Space combat, people.

Mark Whitten on stage. Microphone's buggered. Someone just ran on and gave hom another. He's talking about Kinect. 25m on Xbox Live, apparently.

We're introduced to Ron. Hey, Ron. Waves to Kinect to sign in. Showing off the 'Kinect hub', which offers Netflix, Facebook, Last.FM, Games and more. Simple menu.

Voice select. "Xbox". Kinect is listening. Hal is listening.

Can rewind movies with your hand. Grab and drag back. That is undeniably cool. Very Apple.

"Xbox, stop." "Xbox, forward." "Xbox, play music". Why not: "Xbox, fix red ring"?

See you Ron. Cheers.

Voice chat, party chat. Told you they'd say "party". Video Kinect.

Laura is coming on stage. She is not ugly.

Video Kinect works on MSN and Xbox Live. Laura, meanwhile, has a twin sister. That's all I'm saying.

Sod it. Her twin sister, Kristen is downright attractive. We all say hello to Kristen. I ask if she's free for a drink tomorrow. She's not listening.

Kristen and Laura having a very scripted conversation. Less attractive by the word. They're talking about 'hot' programmes you can watch. Like the news. The news is 'hot'. God bless the USA.

ESPN is coming to Xbox Live. Don't know if that's US only yet.

3,500 live events, apparently. College football, college basketball, MLB, NBA and more. Painful spoof of TV Show Sports Center. They said 'soccer'. Annoying.

Sports Center presenters are now larking about on stage. They made a hilarious Robert Green joke. I say hilarious. I mean shit.

I swear they're called Josh and Trey. 154 per cent American.

Irritating men aside, "Xbox replay" - realtime replays of live sport via voice comman on Kinect - is properly impressive.

ESPN at no additional cost to Gold subscribers. Nice.

Kudo Tsunoda on stage talking about bloody Kinect again. He's in a rough purple zip up top and huge sunglasses. Looks like he's come straight from GTA: San Andreas. He may well have.

SHOCK! I think we're going to get some games!

Oh, no. It's Kinetinamials. Or whatever it's bloody called. There is a young girl virtually stroking a tiger's face. He's called Skittles. I'm sticking to the facts. Otherwise I may be tempted to write BORED BORED BORED.

To be fair, the animation is pretty sweet. Girl hides and Skittles tries to find her, getting his mush right up in the lens. Hardcore gamers love Sega Japanese important Seaman. Why couldn't they love this? Too cute.

Kinect Sports now. Shin from Rare. An English accent. He's shouting enthusiastically, but if you're from London - not LA - it sounds a bit like a threat. "Brazil just won the World Cup. YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" Alright mate, Jesus. Take the money.

Hurdles. Does actually look pretty cool. Running and jumping on the spot.

Sports trailer now. What you expect it to be.

Please, Microsoft. For the love of God. Some real games. PLEASE.

Joy Ride now. Voice reponse to 'boost'. Making me want to play Mario Kart. Not a good thing.

Kinect Adventures! shown. Putting an exclamation mark on something doesn't make it exciting.

There is now in-game whooping and hollering. Probably to make up for the silent disbelief of the audience. SHOW US SOME REAL GAMES!! PLEASE!! Can Microsoft turn this around? They haven't got long.

For those that are interested, the dude's surfing on some rollecoaster thing. Bollocks.

In-game photos. Takes snaps of you and your mates as you go round. Wow guys, this is, just like SO WACKY! Except, I didn't buy my 360 to be wacky. I bought it to play big blockbuster games. Of which I have seen very little. This is bad.

Third-party Kinect games. San Andreas dude has left the stage. Probably for the best.

Ubisoft fitness game. Jesus.

At least when Nintendo did this shit they could claim it was original.

It's called Your Shape. Felicia Williams on stage to show it off. Because that's what this event was lacking. Some in-depth information on a fitness game.

If you'd have asked me three minutes ago if this presentation could get any more disappointing, I'd have said no. I'd have been wrong.

Give us a giant enemy crab. Seriously. I'd take that right now.

A man is on stage saying "fun gym activities".

I got out of bed early for this. I just want to share that with you.

I feel a bit sad. "Personal fitness objectives". Dont' worry about it: I'm probably going to lose some weight NOT PLAYING THE GAMES MICROSOFT HAS FAILED TO ANNOUNCE TODAY.

Hey hardcore gamer!
"Hey."
What would be the BEST thing Microsoft could show off now?
"Hmmm. That's a hard one. How about Bioshock 3? Thief 4? Oooh, oooh. A teaser for Saint's Row 3. that would make my year."
Hmmm, that haven't quite got that, I'm afraid.
"NO. WAIT! What I really, really want is a Kinect DANCE game. That would BLOW ME AWAY!"
You'll never guess what...

Harmonix on stage. R&B and pop focused. "World class choreographers" involved.

A white man is on stage dancing to urban music like a lemon. Very David Brent. This may go down as one of E3's great embarrassments.

Phil Spencer's back. Phil, we need you now more than ever. Give us what we desire.

Kinect coming to US on November 4. 15 games on launch day. Including a Sonic one.

Star Wars game. God, that music is washing away the pain. Come on. Can't give up on you, baby.

It'll be out next year.

Turn 10 arrive. FORZA. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES.

Kinect Forza. Has head tracking. Steer by moving hands. In HD, 60FPS. This is more like it.

Dude's walking up to his Ferrarri via Kinect, taking a look at headlights, brakes and more. Giving it a little rub. It's pointless fantasy - but we'll take it at this stage.

Sits inside car. "You can't do that at a car show... Welcome to the future of racing."

The Don's back. Make us an offer we can't refuse, big man.

"Fun is a universal magnet that binds us all together." What?

Don't put magnets near your 360.

Xbox 360 Slim? A "new era" is coming...

Yep - the all new Xbox. Very shiny, shiny. They're showing the Italian ad from yesterday. In English.

'Here today, ready for tomorrow'. 250GB Built-in wifi.

No change in price.

Shipping to retail TODAY.

They're giving all audience members one. Mark Rein excited. Did I mention how INCREDIBLE this presentation has been?

Not really. It's been a bit of a dud. You can't buy my affection, Donny. That said, the new Xbox looks pretty special. Going to get hands-on with it in a bit.

It's all over. Goodnight, and God bless.

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