On this week's CVG Classics we're diving through our dusty paper time portal all the way back to when putting ghastly, malformed monsters on the front of Britain's best selling computer magazine was A-ok. April 1989 to be precise.
Honestly, what the hell is that thing? Its eyes are filled with a psychopathic murderous intent and its lips look like they've been reddened by the blood of victims its consumed.
It doesn't have any arms but has long, frog-like legs, which means it probably bounds towards its victims, judging from the size of its mouth, while emitting a terrifying bellowing noise.
From the looks of that springy neck its head probably lashes back and forth as it moves. And the only way we can imagine it attacks is by stomping on victims until they're unable to put up a fight.
Oh god, this thing is going to be there when I close my eyes tonight isn't it?
Anyways, issue 90 features the advent of video games on CDs , reviews of games such as the thrillingly tiltled 'Federation of Free Traders' and a lot of love for something called the PC Engine. Hit up Wikipedia kids!
Above right: The stuff of nightmares a.k.a the cover of the April 1989 issue of CVG. Kill it with fire.
YESTERDAY'S NEWS: Warhammer Doubtful
Seems like team CVG weren't too fussed about Warhammer missing its release date and - disappointingly - the gang glossed over a juicy story that would likely eat up a multi-day new cycle in the current day.
"The hit fantasy role-playing board game from Games Work Shop was supposed to be converted by Activision - but no work has been carried out on the game and it looks like the Reading based company may have lost its license.
"Games Workshop spokesperson Andy Jones told C+VG 'The Activision chapter is now more or less closed' and said GW were in discussions with a number of other popular games - Bloodbowl and Dark Future."
And of course there's the PC Engine, hear it roar:
Other news: The mag also reported on the return of Zork with 'Zork Zero', which it excitedly wrote "has an extremely clever mapping system, displayed on a seperate page with the command MAP". It also caught eyes with the headline "Millenium - Sex Shocker", going on to describe an action game and strategy game hybrid.
"And the sex? There isn't any"
Well played, Computer and Video Gramps.
- Airborne Ranger (Atari ST) - 90%
- Wierd Dreams (Atari ST) - 59%
- Federation of Free Traders (Atari ST) - 44%
- Denaris (Amiga) - 85%
- Titan (Amiga) - 37%
- Vindicators (Amstrad) - 85%
- Swords of Sodan (Amiga) - 85%
- Chase (Atari ST) - 48%
- Space Harries (Amiga) - 85%
- Hybris (Amiga) - 90%
Old School Issues
After reading C+VG we thought that the PC Engine was a supermachine. So we went to see a friend who had one and we saw Galaga 88. We were really impressed, but he only had Galaga 88 so we decided to make a trip to Munich to see Games World where they sell PC engines. We arrived at Games World totally exhausted and asked the shop keeper to show us the Engine. After some problems with the voltage we started to play R-Type. We were not impressed. Because you said that it is exactly the same as the coin-op. But we didn't think it was.
Then we played a lot of awful games like Legendary Axe, Pinball, Chan and Chan, World Court Tennis and Dragon Spirit. Then we played Victory Run - and that was another disappointment. The only game that comes near the coin-op is Galaga 88. So we went home without a PC Engine. How much money did you get from NEC to print good reviews?
- Patrick Coolwijk, Holland.
Yob: Either you're blind or stupid. Any idiot can see that the PC Engine is by far the best games machine currently available. I honestly can't understand you saying that R-Type isn't like the original. I know for a fact that the arcade fiend Rignall practices the game at home on his Engine, then nips down to his local arcade in Brighton to knock up a highscore, and he says he uses exactly the same tactics. It's our opinion - and we're not along - that R-Type is 98% faithful to the original machine. If I was you I'd stick to tulip-picking and Edam-eating - you obviously don't know an amazing machine when you see one.
Please could you send me a list of C16/+4 POKEs and cheats
-Howard Black, Aberdeen.
CRIMES AGAINST ADVERTISING: Operation Neptune
Two words: Crotch explosion.
CVG CLASSICS ARCHIVE
- Issue 117, August 1991: Sonic review, Mega CD revealed
- Issue 128, August 1992: SNES imports and £500 Neo Geo conundrums
- Issue 154, September 1994: Neo Geo CD, 3DO and PC Engine - The 32-bit war!
- ssue 227, October 2000: "Awesome! Driver 2"
- Issue 152, July 1994: "Bloody hell...Harvester's in town'
- Issue 96, October 1989: "World Exclusive Batman Game Reviewed'
- Issue 132, November 1992: Blanka's in your nightmares...'
- Issue 083, September 1988: Viva la 16-bit Revolution
- Issue 156, September 1994: Rise of the Robots - 91%
- Issue 146, January 1994, Rebel Assault review